


The Path Of Excess

by BloodyFreckles



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M, Mpreg, Shy!Jared, deaf!Jared, domestic abuse, handicapped character, hurt!Jensen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-29
Updated: 2013-11-05
Packaged: 2017-12-30 20:00:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 18,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1022795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BloodyFreckles/pseuds/BloodyFreckles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared has been stalking the beautiful OLP employee for six months. The man doesn't know he exists, but normal circumstances might change that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, I wanted to do the fanfic100 verse on LJ for j2, but it was taken. So I decided to instead do it of my own free will for the heck of it. I'll be posting nine ficlets in a row that all have to do with each other in a single chapter, each chapter. No clue how many chapters it'll be, we'll see. As for my other fanfic and verse, I'm getting around to it soon. Just wanted to start this out here since I promised myself I would. Enjoy!

**SHADOWS IN SILENCE**

He doesn't know how he ended up here.

Sitting at a small cafe table, his too long legs cramped under the ceiling of it. He orders the same thing every day. Four double chocolate chunk cookies, a pumpkin spice cappicino and a turkey club with extra bacon. The man who works behind the counter never really sees him, but Jared notices him. The man with the light light brown hair, artfully styled upon his head in soft tussles, supple mouth that's full and pink, darting out everytime he concentrates taking an order for a customer. He's beautiful and he doesn't even know it. He watches him everyday, never full on stares but manages to sneak glances when the cafe isn't really busy or people aren't taking notice of his big frame. It's hard to do when he works from seven in the morning till five in the afternoon, it's always rush hour at this place unless it's a Sunday and the man is still there. 

The man has a name, it's Jensen. Says so on the name tag of his worker outfit that doesn't really suit his complexion or features. It's a dull beige shirt with 'Our Lady Peace' written underneath a giant swirling cup of coffee, not the best art in the world but it gets it's message across. Jared thinks he probably wears the same black pants that all the employees wear with sneakers, he seems like a sneakers kind of guy. Low-key, that's what his mind supplements. Sometimes when he goes up to the counter to order, he can see dark circles underneath his eyes. Especially on a Saturday morning. He sympathizes, sometimes he's really tired too. His eyes are accentuated by the purple blood rising to the surface underneath, but he can never tell the color. He's never gotten close enough to see but he can tell they're light, he hopes they're gray or blue. He likes blue eyes. Then again, his last boyfriend had blue eyes and he'd probably also associate them with Jon, so he'd rather believe they're green. Something different, vibrant, the color of grass or the May birthstone but no, they're not that deep, they're like glass, gorgeous glass and he wants to know the color. 

He only started coming to the cafe over six months ago, well that's not true, he started coming in a year ago but sporadically. Then one day Jensen showed up, bright and happy behind the counter, taking orders. He noticed that Jeffery no longer worked there, a mousey man who was as shy as Jared is. He always stumbled over his words and Jared would have to ask him to speak up several times because of the hearing aid in his ear. Jensen is different from Jeffery. He smiles like the sun, his eyes crinkle in the corners and he always asks if you want extra, like he's really trying to sell the product for more than it's worth but Jared can tell he means it. That it's not a gimmick. He really wants you to indulge yourself. So Jared does. That's how he always ends up with four cookies instead of his two. He eats every one with Jensen on his mind and wonders if he tastes as sweet as the gooey goodness melting in his mouth. 

Jensen doesn't even look his way, he's too caught up in other customers and getting his breaks. Jared wishes he'd look his way even once. Just acknowledge his existence because that would make him happy. He gives Jensen one last look, as he talks with a customer, his straight tooth smile can be seen from where he's sitting and he's pulling at Jared's heartstrings, wishing as he could be as happy and carefree as the cashier. He looks away and gathers his things, putting them all in the trash. He goes out to his black truck and sits at the wheel, staring out at the side of the building as he contemplates. Beige brick like Jensen's work shirt, boring and dull but inside hides someone special. Someone rare. Someone he knows has become a fixture in his life without even knowing he is. Because when he first saw Jensen, he knew he'd fall in love but he still doesn't know how he ended up here.

**ANXIOUS HEART**

This is becoming dangerous. He knows he's obsessed. He's looked at people before, from afar, admiring, sometimes outright staring when they aren't looking but none of them have been Jensen. He started thinking of ways to see him more, anyway he can, it doesn't matter where. So one night he overheard Jensen and the waiter girl talking in the near empty cafe, they planned on going to a bar called Danni's Harbor over on midland avenue on Saturday night. They don't say the time but Jared knows the place, he's been there a couple times with Chad. The bar scene isn't really him, but he's here. Sitting on the hood of his truck with a six pack at his side in the parking lot, contemplating going in and just bumping into him, try to avoid spilling whatever drink he has in hand, because he's a clumsy oaf that makes bad impressions. He seen Jensen arrive two hours ago, dressed casually in a green button down shirt that had to be silk, flared blue jeans that had to be new and what he thought were definitely sneakers.

He had been smiling, like always with his arm linked with the waitress from Our Lady Peace. Sophia. Yeah, that's her name. They nearly all but skipped into the bar, laughing with each other and Jared had felt insanely jealous for one hot second. That she should touch him like that and all Jared could do was watch because he's too shy to approach, too afraid he wouldn't even be good enough for Jensen's friendship. That Jensen wouldn't want to be friends with someone like him. Jared's a carpenter, he makes unique pieces of furniture for a living but he doesn't think he's really anything special. He takes care of his loving but drunk mother, his still in highschool baby brother and doesn't have much of a social life. The last time he really had friends, he was still in college and even then it was hard because he wasn't confident enough to approach people on his own. Too stuck inside himself to do anything about anything. It's a a little bit of a lie though because he has Chad, Genevieve and Sandy when they drag him out of the house, which hasn't been a whole lot of late because he's been stalking Jensen.

God, yeah, he's stalking. He doesn't want to think into it because he knows it's wrong, but he can't help it. Jensen is something else, something else he wishes he could touch, wishes was tangible. His friends don't know about it. He's been too scared to tell them. _'I've been seeing someone. They don't really know it but If I decide to take the plunge and actually say hi outside of buying baked goods and coffee, they might actually say hi back and that'll be progress, right?'_ That's **pathetic.** He knows it.

So, he sits there on his hood and drinks his third beer slowly, he's too big to get drunk off a six pack. It'd take a whole twelve pack and maybe more to get shitfaced, but he hasn't tried that in awhile. He usually only drinks with his mom that way, when she's on a stint and trying to outdo herself from the day before. Chad sometimes tries to get him to unwind and feel the effects of alcohol but he steadily declines and he eventually gives up. Right now he needs to be sober, because if he works up the courage to go inside the bar and search out Jensen, he wants to remember it, to see the definition of his face and what color his eyes are. If he doesn't, he wants to see him at least leave and maybe wave like an idiot and maybe Jensen will wave back. 

He looks at his watch as time ticks by, and notices another two hours has gone. His mom is probably wondering where he is or passed out on the couch, hair up in a messy ponytail, and face creased with the designs of the couch cushions. He'll put her to bed when he gets home, make sure the stove is turned off, check on Jeff and then crash in his bed for the night. Tomorrow he'll get up early and go to the coffee shop to sit in there all day and see if he's noticed then. The bar door keeps opening, people coming and going. It's one in the morning, and he knows Jensen can't stay in there all night. He wants to go home, forget this charade and just go to sleep but something is keeping him here. The cool air, the wind against his face, the dim streetlights that bear down on the parking lot. Jensen. Then the door opens again, and he hears that carefree, baritone laughter, he turns his head and sure enough he's stumbling out of the bar with a dark haired man trailing behind him. Jensen scrambles against the wall and turns around, head tilted up as he gives a half smile to his companion. 

The man seems to smile back and puts both hands on the wall on either side of Jensen and crowds up against him. "You're drunk." 

Jensen laughs. "I know but I'm not drunk enough to not know what I'm doing. So kiss me already." 

"My pleasure," the man says, leaning forward to capture Jensen's lip in a heated kiss. Jensen's arms wrap around his neck and Jared finally notices the man is taller than Jensen. At least by a few inches, the way he has to tilt up to kiss him. He feels something churn in his gut, flashes of white heat, jealous insecurity and want deep inside him. Mixing together to create a quiet tornado as he realizes he's openingly staring and looks away. He can hear the noises they make, the smack of their lips, he imagines their hands scrambling for purchase against their bodies. He wishes it was him. 

"Let's go back inside. See if Sophia wants to go home and then I'll meet you at your house." Jensen says, like he knows this guy. He probably does.

"You got lube? I'm all out," The guy says. 

Jensen snickers. "I'm always prepared, Tom. I put some in my glove compartment just incase." 

Tom growls and there's a smack of lips again. Jared dares to look and they're linking hands and heading back inside the bar. 

Ten minutes later they come back out and Jared keeps his head down as they pass by his truck and head to Jensen's car. Three of them in tow. He sees their shoes and hears Jensen talking loudly about some guy named Steve face planting on the floor and how a guy named Chris has to take him home before he further embarrasses himself. Jared waits until they pull out of the parking lot, soon as he knows they're far away enough, he gets off the hood and gets in his truck. He checks his watch. Four hours, thirty seven minutes wasted. He sighs and goes home.

**LOVING YOU IS RED**

It's Sunday again. He sits in his booth that's not exactly at the back, but not exactly at the front either. He has a perfect view of the register and Jensen who has his head bent as he reads some magazine. It's slow today. Not a whole lot of people in and he can hear the flow of conversation between his stalkee, Sophia, Aldis the cook and Alona the baker. He eats his double chocolate chunk cookies quietly and dares to peer every few seconds at Jensen who never lifts his head. He knows it's been 33 Sundays now that he's been in here and watched the man. He's more than anxious at this point, he wants something to happen but he doesn't know how to be a catalyst. But he is also patient, he can wait. Till something drops in his lap and he can run away with it.

So, he waits. 

He's working on his laptop right now, he's drawing up the next red wood table he is going to do for his work place, Beatnik Emporium. He promised his boss he'd get six new pieces done in the next two months. Jared's furniture is always a top seller. People with enough money come in and buy it up like candy. 

He isn't conceited by any means but many of his co-workers' pieces aren't bought as much as his are. It causes envy in the work place, he knows what they whisper about behind his back. That he's a mute, that he's slow, that he doesn't deserve all the credit he gets. 

He believes some of the things they say, like he doesn't deserve all the credit. 

He started working with wood when he was eleven, in his Uncle Jeff's workshop, creating shoddy pieces of furniture from scratch. But, he worked hard to get where he is now. He knows he's talented but not so talented that he should be working somewhere else or open his own shop. His creative streak comes from looking at splotches of artwork on canvas, that's how he manages to come up with something new everytime. He doesn't have a mind that can work on it's own. He never has. He uses his mouse to draw across the photoshop screen, careful precision as he attempts to get the design right. He's not that great of an artist but he knows he can get it right with wood. 

A shadow drops over his table and he turns slowly to blink and look up. Sophia is there with a cheerful smile, as he looks down at him and gestures toward his empty cup, head tilting as she peers at it. "Need a refill, ...Jared?" 

He nods slowly, then looks away and she takes the cup away from him. Disappearing from his side. He wonders if Jensen ever pays attention to his name too. Wonders if he ever looks at his cup but he knows the man doesn't handle the coffee, just takes your money for purchases. He goes back to work and Sophia comes back three minutes later with a steaming Pumpkin spice and he smiles at her shyly and sips tentatively at the brew. 

"You're making me want one. Maybe I'll get one and take my break with you, you're always over here looking lonely," She says with a wink and trots off again to another table. 

He blinks and feels embarrassed. In all the time she's come here, she's never shown an interest in sitting with him or even making contact other than bringing him his orders. He let's it roll off his back and goes back to work again. Focusing. 

The door opens, the bell ringing at the top and he glances out of the corner of his eye to see a dark haired man coming inside the cafe. He strides up to the counter and Jared watches as he leans over and whispers to Jensen. Jensen looks up and smiles coyly and leans forward to kiss the man on the lips. Jared realizes it's Tom, only now he can see him better in the well lit cafe and now he can tell he's good looking. Movie star good looks. He shrivels inwardly and knows he can't compete with that. He has too big of a forehead, ridiculous nose and eyes that are too slanty. Small and unappealing. 

But maybe Jensen hasn't been with Tom for that long, maybe Jared has a chance eitherway. Tom continues to lean over the counter and then Jared hears it. His heart breaking. 

"Whens the big anniversary?," Alona says, coming out of the back.

"Next Tuesday," Tom says cheerfully. 

"I can't believe it's been a year. I never thought we'd make it this far," Jensen says with a dreamy look on his face. 

Tom scoffs. "You wound me. You didn't think after the first date we'd manage to become soulmates? Because I did." 

Jared can tell Jensen's rolling his eyes. "No, you doof. I got out of that terrible relationship with Rachel and figured I'd never be able to love again."

"You're both cute, but Jensen is so melodramatic," Alona sing songs as she goes in the back. Jared doesn't know who Rachel is but he doubts anyone can be melodramatic about a break up. They're all hard. 

But he's having a hard time sympathizing when Tom leans over and kisses Jensen again and he realizes he doesn't have a chance. They've been together too long and Jensen only has eyes for the good looking idol, who's already stolen his heart. He suddenly feels incredibly angry, and irrationally jealous, because Jensen doesn't owe him anything. Jensen doesn't even know he exists. He bites down on his bottom lip, eyes feeling wet as he slams his laptop shut, angrily dumps his trash and storms out of the cafe. Not even realizing all eyes are on him from his too loud sounds, even when he tries so hard to remain invisible. That's probably why Jensen doesn't notice him in the first place.

**AS HEAVEN IS WIDE**

It's Tuesday and he's wearing purple. He read somewhere that there are spaces in space made up of purple and red, he always figured those are Gods' favorite colors. His mother says he wears purple well and today he wants Jensen to notice him.

So, he wears a violet t-shirt with a gray hoodie over it, and his best blue jeans that flare out over his work boots. Jensen isn't there to notice it however, he's looked at the counter several times and Sophia is manning it while looking at the clock worriedly every few minutes. His skin crawls, he hasn't had the guts to ask where Jensen is because he doesn't want his co-workers to think he's some creep that's been watching the guy for the last few months even though he is. 

He fiddles with his notepad, doodling stick figures with well detailed swords fighting across the pages. He isn't worried about wasting paper, he buys them in bulk in order to communicate. He doesn't like speaking all that often. He hates the sound of his voice. Sophia refills him two more times before Jensen finally comes in like a storm, he goes behind the counter and Sophia looks at him critically, then she covers a hand to her mouth.

"What the hell happened?," She exclaims. Jensen shakes his head in turn and whispers something Jared can't hear. Suddenly Jensen is crying and he fists a hand to his mouth and Sophia reaches forward to hug him tight. 

Jared blinks, unsure of what's happening but Jensen detangles from her and says something he once again can't hear. Sophia nods her head and Jensen disappears through the back. She looks up and over at Jared, she catches him and he flushes, looking away.

Did he do something wrong? Did Jensen finally notice the weird guy sitting in here everyday just so he can get a look at him? Did he make him uncomfortable? Jared frowns and goes back to doodling. Fifteen minutes later Jensen is at the cash register and Jared finally notices there's something dark covering the left side of his face. At first he think it's dirt but then he realizes it's a bruise and he wonders who he got in a fight with. 

His mouth itches to say something, anything and he works up the courage to get up with his empty cup for an excuse and walks to the counter carefully with his notebook and pen in the other hand. He looks everywhere but Jensen for a moment when he gets there then his eyes land on his face. Jensen isn't even looking up, he's immersed in a magazine again but he Jared can tell he looks tired and there is definitely a bruise on his face. It's deep purple, turning black. It covers the left side like a bad hickey. 

He clears his throat and writes across the pad. _'Can I get a refill?'_ He pushes it across, edging at the magazine and Jensen finally looks up, blinking at him.

Jensen looks down at the notepad and nods. "Sophia. Customer wants a refill." He doesn't smile, looks too sad to do it. 

Sophia comes around the corner with a bright smile and takes Jared's cup. "One pumpkin spice coming up, Jaredy Bardey." 

Jared chews on his lower lip as he waits. Jensen looks at him for a moment longer than looks back down. Jared starts to write again. _'I'm sorry about your face.'_ He edges the notepad back against the magazine and he can tell Jensen's eyes trail over the handwriting. He looks up and gives a small shaky smile and shrugs. 

"It's nothing," he says quietly, then purses his lips. "Jared, right?" 

Jared feels a sudden burst of happiness in his chest and nods slowly, he doesn't want to seem too enthusiastic. 

"Hi Jared. Purple suits you," Jensen says with a grin that must be hurting his face. Jared wants to know the story behind the bruise, but he's only managing to make contact for the first time today. 

It's enough.

Jared waves, looking down for a moment. He wants to write something else but he doesn't know what besides 'How did you get the bruise?' and then Sophia is there, handing him his cup. 

"Hey Cutie. I get a break in a few minutes. Can I sit and eat with you?," She asks. 

Jensen smiles. "Don't bother the guy, Soph. Let him drink his coffee and eat his food in peace." 

Sophia rolls her eyes. "He can handle me for twenty minutes."

Jensen snickers, but it doesn't sound happy. "She has a crush on you." 

Jared blinks in surprise.

Sophia looks mortified. "Shut up, Jense." 

Jensen looks up at Jared and smiles knowingly. Ten minutes later Jared is sitting at his booth with Sophia across from him. She keeps sliding her foot against his and he feels slightly uncomfortable. She's pretty, sweet as pie and pleasant but he only has eyes for Jensen. 

"Okay, so I'm not gonna lie. I've had a crush on you for awhile and already knew your name but I was trying not to be obvious," she admits as Jared keeps his eyes on her. "I just pretend to look at your cup, so you're not like who is this creepy girl and what does she want."

Jared gives a small smile and writes across his notepad. _'I don't mind if you know my name. It'd make me feel better instead of... I don't know, invisible.'_

She smiles back. "Well, you're definitely noticed. You're hard to miss, being as big as you are." 

The conversation is mostly one-sided, she talks about how long she's been working there and he knows she was here long before he started showing up. She talks about her last boyfriend. A real douchebag who cheated on her. How her mom insists on Sunday dinners, and her father still puts money in her bank account even though she's doing well on her own, at least until college is over. She has a sister she tries to spend Saturday nights with, another sister who's too old and has a family that she can't spare anytime. He realizes in another time, another place, she might have been the one he obsesses over but that's not going to happen now. He finally gets the courage to write across the notepad. _'How did the cashier get the bruise?'_ he doesn't want to be obvious either.

She reads and looks up at him. "Who? Jensen?"

He nods. 

She looks suddenly uncomfortable and frowns. "That's not my place to tell." 

He nods again, disappointment a deep pit in his gut.

She looks toward the counter where Jensen is speaking with a customer then looks back at Jared. "I can't but I know he doesn't deserve it." 

Jared wonders what that means. He can't imagine a simple fight between men meaning anything like that. Usually bruises and scraps are battle scars between dudes, but he doubts the fact that he was crying, means it's simply something that didn't hurt him. He doesn't want his mind to wander and start to think about the possibilities because they don't seem as good as anything else and he's liable to get angry.

She stays ten minutes after her break is over and then smiles at him almost shyly. "Do you mind if we exchange numbers?" 

His throat goes dry and he figures why the hell not. _'I don't talk on the phone but we can text.'_ he writes and then takes out his phone. A slim black slider. 

 

She takes out hers, a white iphone and rattles off her number and he writes down his. She grins, looks excited and five minutes later after she leaves him, there's a text on his phone. **'Hi Cutie. B textin u l8r after work.'** He feels bad for leading her on, but he kinda wonders if somehow he'll get closer to Jensen.

**WHEREVER YOU ARE**

Jared doesn't go into the cafe for a full week. He texts Sophia, they talk a lot and he even starts to feel comfortable telling her more about himself. They text all the time and he wishes he wasn't stuck on Jensen, so he could be stuck on her instead. She's his type, tiny and brunette. The girl type anyway. He even starts thinking about dating her and trying to get over Jensen, instead of floundering about and waiting for something to happen.

He doesn't go in for a full week because he doesn't want to think about the bruise on Jensen's face or chase after something he can't have. He thinks about Jensen the entire time, what he's doing, what he's wearing, who he's hanging with, if he's in bed with his boyfriend and sharing stolen kisses by lamplight or watching tv on his couch or having a shitty day. 

Sophia asks him where he's been and makes sad faces that she hasn't seen him. She asks him if he'll come in tomorrow and he caves and says he'll be there. It's Tuesday again when he rolls in, he takes only his notepad and changes up his order. Sophia smiles brightly at him and ruffles his hair, making him smile. He thinks she's gonna take her break with him but he's surprised when he watches Jensen come from behind the counter with his dinner and makes a beeline for his table. He stands there for a moment and smiles at him, Jared looks up in shock and Jensen nods toward the seat. Jared nods back and the man sits down.

Jensen takes a heaping bite of his sub and moans around the bite, just as exuberant as he is. Jared contains his smile and takes note of his face. The bruise is yellowing and he still wants to know who did it. Jensen swallows and looks at Jared speculatively and tilts his head. "You know, she's really smitten with you."

Jared nods, gives a small smile. _'I know. She's a nice girl.'_ he writes.

Jensen reads and chuckles. "Just nice? Sophia is a ten. Any guy would be lucky to have her chasing him." 

_'Yeah, she is. I do feel lucky to have her affections.'_

Jensen takes another bite and then licks miracle whip from his lips. "When are you gonna ask her out?" 

Jared shrugs and looks down at the notepad, idly playing with the edge of his paper. 

"Shy?," Jensen asks, and Jared looks up to see a smirk on his face.

Jared shrugs again. 

Jensen sighs. "Come on. She really likes you, like a lot. She talks about you non-stop." 

Jared shrugs again, feeling cornered and writes. _'How did you get the bruise?'_

Jensen blinks and suddenly looks sad, he shrugs in turn and purses his lips. "I... well. You really don't want to hear about that."

Jared writes without breaking eye contact. _'Yeah, I do.'_

The man looks ashamed and shakes his head. "You really don't. Honestly."

Jared sighs and nods his head. He's pushing it and he knows it, he's only finally getting to sit across from Jensen and somehow be a part of his life without actually being in it. He should just appreciate what he can get. 

Jensen takes another bite of his sandwich and sighs himself. "Okay, but you promise not to tell anyone." 

Jared looks up and nods. _'Promise.'_

Jensen puts down his half eaten sandwich and looks down at the table as if he's ashamed. "My boyfriend, Tom. He got really angry with me at our anniversary because some guy hit on me and I kinda flirted with him without meaning to. It's just how I am. He thought I was making him look like a fool, but he didn't really mean it, you know? He was just stressed about his work week, he's a big corporate lawyer and has a murder trial coming up. He's been preparing for it, so he's really... really stressed."

Jared suddenly feels coils of anger inside him and tries not to write too fast. _'Still doesn't make it right.'_

Jensen looks up and nods. "I know, but it's only happened once. He won't do it again." 

Jared worries his lip and stops from writing again. 

"You must think I'm pathetic. Big guy like me, letting his boyfriend hit him and then make excuses but I love him, a lot and think people should be forgiven. Try not to judge me too much?," Jensen says with a wary smile.

Jared looks at him critically for a moment and shakes his head. _'I'm not judging you. I'm judging him and you're not pathetic. If anyone's pathetic it's him.'_ and me, he wants to add. 

"Don't judge him either. He's a good man," Jensen says, though his eyes look lighter somehow. Jared still doesn't know the color. 

_'What color are your eyes?'_ Jared writes instead, changing the subject. 

Jensen blinks in surprise and smiles, looks like he's glad for the change too. "Green, but sometimes they're gray. What color are yours?" 

Jared smiles back, he can feel his face stretching from the strain. _'Hazel. They tend to change colors with my mood.'_

Jensen leans forward, peering into his eyes and Jared feels his skin pull too tight, and anxious. "They're blue right now, with a dark ring around them. What's that mean?"

Jared looks down and writes. _'I'm either sad or happy.'_

Jensen smiles, his eyes crinkling in the corners. "Which one are you?"

Jared smiles. _'Sad because someone hit you and happy because I"m talking to you.'_ It's more than he dares to admit. 

Jensen laughs. "You're... really nice. We should... give me your number? I could use another friend, always have room for them and you seem like a really good guy." 

Jared's chest swells, his heart beating against his ribcage. He swallows, afraid he's daydreaming this and quickly writes across the notepad. Jensen takes out his blackberry and puts him in his contacts. Thirty seconds later, Jared's phone vibrates and he picks up it up. **Now you have mine. Put me in your contacts pronto and don't be afraid to text me. I won't bite. I'll talk to you anytime. Also... I love your eyes, they're unique and different. Perfect. Your smile doesn't reach them though, you should change that.** he melts at the compliment and makes note to make sure his smiles are more genuine instead of fritzy because he's always afraid of something. 

Jensen keeps smiling and picks up his dinner. "I gotta get back to work, but it was nice talking to you, Jared. Don't forget to text me. I can see why Sophia is so hung up on you." 

Jared nods, realizing he's still smiling himself as Jensen walks away and disappears back behind the counter. He's making progress and couldn't be happier.

****

CHURCHBELLS RINGING IN MY HEAD

The sun was shining overhead. Beating down on the players' backs like a hot beacon. Jensen ran down the 'field' with Chris hot on his heels, pigskin clasped at his side as he made his way toward the tree. It had been three weeks since Tom had laid a hand on him, he promised to be better and he had been.

Today they decided to go out to the park, and play some tackle football. He hadn't played football since highschool, when he actually gave a shit about the game. His feet were carrying him like the wind, he could hear Chris behind him cursing him a mile long. Jensen had always been taller, so it was no surprise he was able to outrun the five eight musician. 

Finally he touched the tree, threw the football down and pumped his arms in a arch as he hollered. "In your face, Kane!" He turned and beamed at him as Chris gave him a frumpy face. Chris picked up the football and walked back toward the other guys, Steve, Tom, Aldis, Sam, a new person named Chad and a tiny woman named Genevieve. Both Jared's friends. 

He turned his head to look toward the park table, where Sophia, Sandy and Jared were all sitting. Jared was looking directly at him and he waved, the taller man had been doing that a lot. Looking at him, he didn't pretend to understand why but he figured Jared was just an observant person. That was what he was noticing anyway, he was quiet and didn't talk too much about himself. The times Jensen had tried to get him to talk in the last two weeks, he had managed to get bits and pieces from him. 

Despite that, Jared was turning out to be a really good friend. He was kind, soft spoken, but from what Sandy had said, once Jared got to know you, he was really outgoing and loud. He turned his eyes away from the table and went up to the guys who were regrouping, huddled together as they spoke. "What's up?," he asked, sneaking into the groove between Steve and Chad. 

"We're thinking we could use two more people. Wanna see if Jared and Sandy are up for it? Apparently Chad says Jared is really good at football and could outrun all of us," Aldis spoke up. 

"It's true. We used to play backyard football all the time as kids and no one could beat Jared," Genevieve said, looking slightly proud and smug. 

Jensen nodded. "I'll go see. I'm guessing tiny girls pack quite a punch if you're insinuating Sandy."

Genevieve smirked. "You bet your ass. Sandy's better than me and I hate to admit it." 

He laughed. "Okay. See you in five." Jensen broke away from the group and jogged over to the table.

He slid in beside Sophia and waved Sandy and Jared who were sitting side by side. Jared suddenly looked down but smiled, the guy was so cute when he was bashful. "So... Gen and Chad tell me we have football stars on our hands."

Sandy rolled her eyes. "I haven't touched a football since highschool, but Jared might wanna." 

Jared blinked and looked up. He pursed his lips for a second and started writing across his pad. _'I'm not really in the mood.'_

Jensen pouted. "Come on. It'll be so much fun. I could use you on my team. I mean, I'm already crushing the opposers but I could use a strong linebacker. You look like you could take down a few people before they get my ass." 

Jared shrugged. _'I'm always afraid my hearing aid will come loose.'_

Sandy scoffed. "That thing is stuck to your ear like glue. You'll be fine. Go make some friends besides the terrible trio of us." 

Jared hung his head for a moment, then sighed as he got up and away from the table. Without looking at the three at the table.

Jensen smiled. "Alright then. Come on, Sandy. You too. Sophia can watch." 

Sophia laughed. "I could always try, but I doubt my delicate skin could handle getting pushed to the ground without ripping open some flesh." 

"It's not that hard, and the guys will go easy on you since you're a small thing," Sandy teased. Jensen could see they already established a friendship.

"No, that's okay. I'll sit here and enjoy the view. Sweaty guys especially Jared. Bet he looks nice working up a river of salt," Sophia said a bit dreamily. 

Sandy snickered. "Of course, drool over Jared." 

Fifteen minutes later, they were all separated into teams. Jared had already managed to get two touch downs without so much as breaking a sweat. Jensen's team was up by four points, while Chris' team was down by two. It was shaping up to be a nice game. Another hour passed and the game ended. Jensen's team - 10, Chris' team - 7. It was an easier victory than imagined and Jensen was gloating all the way. He moved toward Jared who had got three touch downs, which the last one had won them the game and Jared looked at him with wide eyes as Jensen tackled him to the ground, squeezing him tight.

"You're fucking amazing," He said, blinking as he noticed something fell out of Jared's ear. 

Jared looks up at him warily, face puzzled. He turned to look at the hearing aid and Jensen picked it up to place it back in his ear. Jensen sat up on his knees and Jared got on own but sat back on his feet. 

"From now on, you're on my team. You'll come with us every month and do this. I won't take no for an answer," Jensen said with a sly grin. 

Jared looked at him for a long moment, as if studying him and then smiled, nodding. 

Jensen reached forward to pluck some grass from Jared's hair, which was sticking in clumps along his forehead. He flicked it to the side and Jared was looking at him a bit weirdly when he turned his eyes on him again. Jensen raised his eyebrow and shrugged, looking sheepish. "You had ... well you know. Come on, we're going to barbeque back at Steve's house and you and your friends are officially invited." 

Jared nodded again, smiling softly as he got his feet. He helped Jensen up and they walked toward the table where everyone was crowding around. Jensen automatically noted Tom's eyes on him, his eyebrows furrowed as he stared. He suddenly felt uncomfortable and wondered if it had something to do with him tackling Jared. He didn't mean anything by it, just that Jared had been great out there and he hadn't really won a football game in ages since they started this tradition. He was proud... it didn't mean anything. He realized he was rationalizing but it had been innocent and there was no reason for Tom to look at him that way. God, was he afraid? He shouldn't be, that was stupid. 

Brushing shoulders with Jared as they walked, broke him from his thoughts and he felt a spark of electricity for a second that he ignored. 

****

MY LIFE ON A HIGHRISE

He hit him again. Jensen tried to explain that he was happy about Jared scoring the last touch down, but Tom had gotten so mad, it was almost like he wasn't the same person. A part of Jensen wanted to hit back when the blows came, he felt like a coward standing against a gail force wind storm and he felt helpless. He let him hit him in his face, along his arms and Tom almost kicked him but he seemed to realize what he was doing and stopped. He looked horrified by it and apologized profusely and Jensen had accepted it.

They made love in bed, Jensen writhing under him as he tried to not think about what just happened. Tom whispered how much he loved him as he pounded into him and tangled him up in his mess of long limbs, and Jensen wrapped his arms tight around him, holding on for dear life like he might disappear if he didn't. Tom kissed his bruises and cuddled up next to him as they talked about the future and how they were going to get married someday, but first they wanted to move in together. Test the waters. Which Jensen felt was silly because he stayed at Tom's so much, he had his own toothbrush and drawer in the dresser. They already lived together. 

While Jensen felt right while they did those things together, when Tom drifted off he ended up laying in bed and contemplating. What if he did it again? What if it continued? Was he stupid enough to let it go on? He loved Tom, so much that it hurt sometimes. Like he couldn't breathe without him. Was that unhealthy? He thought maybe it was but it was true. And Tom loved him. Sometimes he just lot it. That never meant anything but as much as he tried to convince himself of that, he could only picture Tom standing there and hitting him like a flaming furry. 

He had avoided Jared at the barbeque. Afraid of Tom getting anymore ideas. He had caught Jared looking at him a few times, he couldn't really decipher his stares but they didn't bother him too much. Just made him wonder what it was about. The Barbeque had been nice in itself, new friends and old friends getting to know each other over good food and beer. They made plans to have another one in a couple weeks, well, more like a pool party at Chris' next time around. Invite more people, get pissy ass drunk and hang all over each other as they stumbled around. How it should be. 

Jensen couldn't sleep, his mind a swirl of thought as he crept out of bed and went on the balcony. The sun was coming up over the horizon, he sat in one of the black wire frame chairs and scooted near the table. He had to be at work in a couple hours, he knew it was approaching seven o clock at this point. What he really wanted right now was a milky way and a tall glass of warm milk. He licked his lips and decided before he got to work he'd buy a couple and a half gallon of milk to wash it down. It'd be cold but it'd have to do. 

His mind crossed back to Tom again and he closed his eyes for a moment. It made him feel bad that he did things that upset him, but he had to wonder why he started doing it now after a year that they had been together. Tom had never been violent before then. Always kind and soft around the edges. Perfect. Someone Jensen had always dreamed about since he was a teenager. He had plenty of bad relationships over the years. Equally men and women. He was good looking, he knew that and it seemed like most people ended up going with him because of that, so he always made sure he was the best that he could be and that they'd fall in love with him instead of a pretty face. He had been cheated on twice, broken up with because the person fell out of love and wanted more. Things always change but not Tom, who had been his longest relationship. Tom told him all the things he loved about him, everyday and he appreciated it. It was more than he could ask for. 

The sun was getting brighter, casting the city in a otherworldly glow. Warmth hit his face and he smiled. Everything would be alright. He had nothing to worry about. Sometimes people had faults and he could deal with that. 

Tom was it for him.

 **OOOOH, THAT SMELL**

He's been nervous. Going back to Our Lady Peace had been the last thing to do on his list. Not after... well, not after Jensen and Sophia caught him outside that bar again and asked him why he was sitting on the hood drinking a six pack. They gave him suspicious looks and he fumbled to get his notepad and pen out to write down a lie. Lies are always easier on paper. _'I was working up the nerve to go inside. Bars always make me antsy.'_ when really he had been trying to go in and bump into Jensen in a relaxing atmosphere because he had been too afraid to ask him out somewhere as buddies without Sophia around. They had nodded. Sopha had hugged him and then they said goodnight. Jared felt like a loser.

Why continue stalking the man when he was now officially your friend? Redundant, right? But he wanted to be around Jensen all the time. To bask in his person, to see him in action, to hear his words in that deep and soft voice that sent shivers up his spine. He wanted Jensen. And maybe it was unhealthy, maybe it was crazy, but he couldn't help it. The man was like breathing underwater and all you can see for miles is blue and colorful formations of sand and ocean creatures. 

Soon as he walked into the cafe, he moved toward the counter with his laptop bag slung over his shoulder and bit at his lip once to get the nervous tic out of the way. Sophia passed him by with a smile and wink, then stopped and turned around. She raised her eyebrow a little and then walked to the table she was serving. Putting their food and drink down in front of them. She came back, sized up Jared who was left standing there and then moved forward.

She inhaled sharply and smiled. "God, you smell good." 

He blinked. He didn't use anything other than usual. Just aftershave and arm deodorant, and well, much as he hated to admit it. He used cucumber melon body lotion because his skin had become itchy and scratchy. It was recommended by his mother after he complained about it. She then proceeded to hand over her Avon and just let him have it. He didn't use it often though, just every once in awhile. It helped all the same, and he was less ashy at his ankles and elbows, and other places that had become rough after years of working with wood and sawdust. He pursed his lips and shrugged. 

Sophia grinned. "Jensen! Come here," She called out. 

Two seconds later, Jensen came from behind the counter and looked at Jared and Sophia respectively. "What?"

"Smell that?," Sophia asked, moving forward and placing her hands on Jared again and inhaling.

Jensen laughed, then inhaled and blinked. "Yeah, I smell it." 

"Smell him," She said and pointed at Jared. 

Jensen tilted his head and moved forward. Inhaling once again. "Dude. What do you use? You're fucking heavenly."

Jared suddenly crumbled under all the compliments and felt a blush raising on his cheeks. He looked away, embarrassed. Suddenly Jensen was on him, pressing his face into his shoulder and smelling him. Jared stilled, unsure of the sudden assault on his person and became stiff. 

Jensen moved down, smelling under his arm pit and literally moaned. "You're drowning out all the good coffee and donut smells. Get out."

Jared blinked. Did he really just smell his arm pit? Like really? Then he frowned. Mouthing 'I'm sorry.' 

Jensen chuckled and shook his head. Looking up at him. "It's no big deal. I'm just teasing you but you really do smell delicious. I think Sophia and I both want to eat you up." 

"Oh. definitely. Gobble, Gobble. Come here, Big boy," Sophia teases, a glint in her eye, from behind Jensen.

Did someone put out a memo? Because he's been feeling shitty this week, and his confidence is crap because he ended up messing up a few special orders and had to redo them before the customers got even more pissed off but he just keeps feeling embarrassed, not sure how to react. 

"Stop doing that, we mean it. Anyway, what did you come here for? More hours wasting away by your laptop as you look around for Sophia?," Jensen said, stepping back to the side. 

Jared finally notices Jensen's bottom lip is split and he closes his eyes for a second to wash away the sudden tingling of anger in his chest that threatens to consume and rage. Tom probably did it again but here Jensen is, being happy, carefree and weird. All good things but he has a feeling they'll be marred if he keeps allowing his fucking boyfriend to hit him. He realizes Sophia and Jensen are staring at him and he finally nods. Though he wants to say _'I'm always looking around for you. I come here for you.'_ but he doesn't. 

Sophia smiles. "Pumpkin Spice Cap and turkey club, babydoll?" 

Jared nods again and she smiles, moving away from him as she walks toward the back. 

Jensen stands there looking awkward and tugging at his lip momentarily as if he's figured out what Jared's sudden weirdness was about. Jared just looks at him quietly for a few moments and nods down toward his lip. 

Jensen sighs and shrugs. "It's... I know how it looks but everything is fine. Really. Don't worry about me."

Jared tries to convey with his eyes what he really thinks about that and Jensen looks away. 

Jared sighs in turn and wants to reach out and hug Jensen and tell him no one deserves it, no matter what they've done or did or anything else for that matter. especially not Jensen because Jensen is perfect, and beautiful and just everything that a person can convey but at the same time he has a feeling Jensen would tell him he really doesn't know him. Jared feels like he does, he just has a feeling even though he knows no one is perfect. 

"I'm going to get back to work. It'll be the lunch hour soon and I need to be prepared... yeah," Jensen said, looking sheepish. He throws Jared a quick smile before moving back behind the counter. 

Jared takes his seat, slips out his laptop and starts working on his blueprints for a more recent project. He spends the rest of the afternoon trying not to think of Jensen's split lip or wondering if he'd be opposed to Jared beating the fuck out of Tom to see how he likes it. But seriously... did they just smell him like a baby's dirty diaper? Who does that?


	2. Chapter 2

**DIAMONDS, DIAMONDS, ALL IN THE SKY**

He did it again, and once more. Jensen is becoming less surprised by Tom's outbursts. He can see them coming a mile away now. At first it was for flirting, or he accidentally touched someone in a way that Tom didn't approve of. But now... it's things that Jensen doesn't really understand. Not bringing home the coffee Tom asked for. Not cooking the spicy sausage the way he likes it. Things that don't even matter at the end of the day.

He went to the hospital for a cracked rib, got a couple stitches over his eyebrow. Sophia and Danni keep asking him why he's sticking by him and Jensen is running out of excuses. He lies to Chris about it and he knows the man isn't stupid, or a fool, pretty soon he'll be banging on the door to kick Tom's ass and he knows as strong as Chris is, he'll not be able to take Tom in a fight. Therefore, he'll have to jump in and he'd rather not hit Tom. Because he will if he hurts Chris, because they go further back. 

It's a sad truth: Jensen loves him. It's becoming the number one excuse. 

Tom does show him love. Does the most caring things for him. Takes the yellow m&m's out of the bag for him and sets them aside since he hates them. Plays with his hair until he falls asleep. Brings him zippo lighters for his collection. Sings him off-key songs that make him laugh. Tom is his everything and he tries to convince himself that the hurt will stop soon, that Tom just needs to get his anger issues under control. 

Why doesn't he hit back? Because he doesn't think two wrongs make a right. Because he loves Tom so much, he doesn't want to see him hurt by his fists. Because Tom shows him a beautiful world that is only for him. No one else. Just him. Even if Tom keeps hitting him, at least he knows he'll never cheat or fall out of love with him. He has to believe in that. He has to believe in something real, tangible. Something only he can grasp. 

He stands on his balcony, the stars bright in the sky. Shimmering constellations foretelling the future and the past. Everyone goes through this, everyone suffers. But suffering bores love and love bores loyalty and sometimes loyalty is all you need. 

A star falls, his hands grasping the railing lightly. He smiles, his cheek hurts and it drops. He wishes for just a moment that Tom could feel better, that Tom really loves him and not just something else harboring in the deep. Something more sinister.

He turns those thoughts away and thinks about him laying in bed, looking like a sleeping angel. Yeah, Tom loves him. He's sure of it.

\--------------------

Jared puts his mother to bed. She drank three bottles of red wine, and somehow managed to stand up right two times before falling flat on her face. She cried on the floor for awhile and babbled about what a bad mother she was, always putting her children out to pasture with her drinking problem. Jared had just shushed her, told her what a wonderful mother she always had been and carried her up to her room. She proceeded to call him her beautiful brave boy and wished he'd let his light flourish a little more because _'It's so beautiful, Jared. If you only let me in, baby... then I'm all you're ever gonna have. And I won't be here someday. I'll be gone and you'll be looking after Jeff. And you're almost thirty now. You need to find a good girl or hell, baby, a good guy and settle down. Have lots of kids and then tell them how you let your light shine and how they can let theirs shine too. Because I believe in you, Jared. I know you can do it.'_

Jared had looked at her as she drifted off to sleep. She said things like that to him all the time. She worried about him and his less than social ways. She worried he'd become a hermit if not for the few friends he has. What she doesn't know is he's pretty happy with the way his life is. He doesn't mind it even though sometimes he wishes he could hear without the help of a hearing aid and that his voice sounded just as nice as other people's. That he wasn't awkward or weird looking. Okay, so he's not entirely fine with it but he gets by. Much as one can anyway. 

Jeff is already asleep in bed and he has a day off tomorrow. He'll take him clothes shopping since his brother is shooting up like a weed and his garments can't contain him anymore. He'll make it a brother's day. They'll use sign language in public like it's their secret and Jeff will smile at him like he hung the moon and not like he's his strange mostly deaf big brother, who his friends ask _'How the hell does he do that? Just sneak up like that. Your brother is an oddball.'_ but Jeff always tells them to shove it and leave him alone. 

He grabs a beer from the fridge and sits out on the back porch, sipping from it leisurely as he leans back on an elbow. Staring straight up at the twinkling expanse. A star falls in the distance and he makes wishes all at once. 

His mind whispering a medley. 

Some wishing he could be different, others wishing for his family and one repeating Jensen's name like a prayer.

****

LIVE THE GRAY MORNING

He's early. Too early. He knows Jensen won't be in till noon and that's thirty nine minutes from now. Sophia is here though, serving tables, and she hasn't gotten to him yet. He sits with his laptop open, working on yet another chair design. Four in all, that go with the table he finally finished last Thursday. His boss said it was his best work yet, and his Uncle Jeff had said the same thing. That he was reaching his peak but was likely to keep improving and be someone who could go down in history as a true carpenter. An artist. 

He doesn't see himself that way. He just... he likes what he does. How he gets lost in his work, how things come to him and he plays the wood like a lover, hands sculpting something beautiful from nature. He doesn't think it's more gorgeous than the tree it came from, but it's definitely different. Somehow new and reborn. Giving someone pleasure in a way that is unlike admiring the vast forests of deep jungles or parks. 

It's modern, it's human nature but in some ways it's almost unnatural. He's sure people felt the same way about stone back before they decided use wood. Stone tables and chairs, or just plain rocks to sit and put your food upon. 

He turns to look outside, it's still gray and dreary out. A bit on the chilly side. It rained earlier this morning. Water pelting the windows of his home and then his truck, drops racing each other down the glass. His hair was still damp from walking out in it briefly and he could feel dewy residue on his skin. 

It's October and officially Fall. Jared's favorite month and season. The Halloween ads have already started, the fall decorations are in full bloom. His mom stayed up all night decorating the house in fall décor with some Halloween flourish. There's now a speaking skeleton on the door that announces _'You're entering the house of the dead._ and _'Have a ghoulish night. Bawahahaha.'_

There's different colored leaf decals in the windows and a scarecrow in the yard. The pumpkins aren't out yet. Jeff and him have to carve them as per tradition. Soon as his brother gets home from school today, they'll carve the six pumpkins and he'll change the porch light from bright white to orange. When Hallo's Eve rolls around, he'll watch a marathon of scary movies with his little brother and mother, all curled up on the couch and on Halloween his mom and him will take turns passing out candy while Jeff takes advantage of being small enough to still look twelve in order to get all the candy he wants from strangers. 

Jared talks to kids as long as adults aren't in ear shot. They may ask why his voice sounds so funny but they're never judgmental. They're sweethearts and usually just smile at him once he tells them about his handicap. So, he'll comment on their costumes and give them extra pieces of candy since he takes two hundred dollars of his last month's paycheck to buy mounds of candy to share. 

Yeah, Jared really loves Halloween but that's not all he loves. He loves fall, the way it's always gray and deary, how the wind howls and how the entire three months is spooky and otherworldly. How the leaves change color and the trees become barren until spring. It reminds him of the dead. Not something that scares him at all. Because he likes the idea of believing if a tree can resurrect itself from a harsh winter, then it'd be a really wonderful miracle if the human body could do the same. 

He imagines someday in the future that scientists will be able to cure death. He's not afraid to die persay, but he doesn't want to go out knowing he won't be alive again. He doesn't exactly believe in going to Heaven or going to hell, he also doesn't believe an a afterlife. He believes in God, but he's not agnostic either. His beliefs are muddled and strange. Sometimes, he doesn't know what he believes in. 

There's a knock against his table and he startles, breaking from his thoughts. He turns to look up into the face of Sophia. His eyes transfixed to the mark on her right cheek. Dark and pretty like herself. 

She smiles. “Pumpkin spice, four double chunks and a turkey club with bacon per usual, babycakes?” 

He smiles, nods. She leaves with an elaborate twirl and shakes her behind, making him chuckle low and keep his smile in place. He appreciates the curves of her ass as she walks away. He really wishes for just a second, that he was interested in her. Because she'd be perfect for him. Understanding, patient, kind. 

She comes back and sits it all on the table. “So, look...I'm going to take my break once Jensen gets here in a few minutes and I'm going to eat lunch with you, if you don't mind.”

Jared nods, eyebrow raised. He's used to this. Her eating with him and talking.

“And I have a question for you, that I've been working up the courage to ask. So, be nice to me today. Extra nice because if you break my heart, I might cry and we don't want that. I'm an ugly crier,” She continues with a mild smirk. 

Jared cracks a smile and nods again, wondering what the question could be. He kinda has a clue but he doesn't want to jump to conclusions. 

“Okay, so I'll leave you to your food and you can await my return,” She says as she twirls around again and walks away. 

He eats his food slowly, savoring the different flavors. Saves his cookies for last and listens as footsteps approach his table. 

“Afternoon, Jay,” Jensen says as he looks up.

Jared smiles, feeling a blush rise to his cheeks and waves.

Jensen grins. “Just wanted to say hi before I slave behind the cash register.” 

Jared writes across his notepad. _'I think Sophia does more slaving than you do. All you do is read magazines.'_

Jensen looks down then huffs a laugh. “Whatever. I slave just as much. Standing on your feet all day takes a toll on you.”

Jared scribbles. _'You keep telling yourself that.'_

Jensen rolls his eyes. “Don't be mean.” He sticks out his tongue then walks away. 

Jensen started calling him Jay a week ago. Jared had thought he forgot his name but Jensen explained he just felt like giving him a nickname. Jared would like to believe him but it was likely he forgot his name. It warms him eitherway. 

He starts on his first cookie and Sophia slips in ten minutes later with her own food and slides her foot against his own. She smiles at him and tilts her head. “What you working on, Jardey Bardey?” 

Jared writes. _'Chairs for this table I created.'_

Sophia grins. “You need to show me your work sometime. Only seeing pictures doesn't let me see their true glory.”

Jared gives a small smile. _'You'll need to come to my house then.'_

She nods, taking a bite of her sandwiches. Chews delicately then swallows. “I'd really like that actually. Meet your mom and your little brother. I know they'd be great.”

Jared just smiles at her. He isn't embarrassed of his mother but he doesn't want Sophia or anyone else to meet her while she's drunk. That would just be... he sighs inwardly. Maybe he is a little ashamed as much as he hates to admit. He loves his mom so much, that feeling embarrassed of her in any way makes him feel terrible. 

Sophia keeps eating then nudges her foot with his gently. “Okay, so look... we've been texting for weeks and I love talking to you. I know you're shy and it's really cute but waiting around is getting me no where and I really like you, Jared. You're like the perfect guy. So kind, so generous, so sweet. You're so … I don't even know how to describe it.”

Jared stops drawing with his mousepad and looks over at her, eyebrow raised. 

She takes a deep breath. “I really want to go out with you. Somewhere nice. Just you and me. No coffee shop. No football games. No parties. Just us.”

Jared continues staring at her. 

She flushes a little, looking uncomfortable. “You're going to make me say it. Aren't you?”

Jared smiles, nods.

“Fine. Jared Padalecki. Will you go out with me?,” She asks, not breaking eye contact.

He purses his lips. What could it hurt? He writes across the notepad, pencil gripped in his hand. 'Yes. I will go out with you.' He edges the pad toward her after he finishes.

She looks down and a grins splits across her face. “Seriously?”

Jared writes. _'Seriously.'_

“Thank God. I was starting to think you weren't interested,” Sophia says with a relieved sigh.

He doesn't mention the fact that he really isn't interested but he loves her friendship. Instead he just smiles and looks down a moment, feeling embarrassed that someone likes him this much. It does wonders for his confidence, makes him feel good but at the same time, he feels bad since he'd be leading her on. One date and then he'll call it quits. Tell her the truth. Not how he feels about Jensen but that he sees her as only a friend. 

“How about I text you later and we'll set up a day to go out?,” Sophia suggests, looking hopeful.

_'Sounds good to me but in advance... I'll pay for everything.'_

Sophia laughs. “Jared. You don't have to do that. I have enough to pay for both of us.”

'A gentleman pays for the lady and himself. It may sound too chivalrous but it's how I feel.' He writes, face gravely serious. 

She giggles. “But I asked _you_ out.” 

_'Doesn't matter.'_

She rolls her eyes. “Fine. You pay for everything.”

Jared nods, feeling like he won something here.

“I'm going to head back to work. I'll refill you in a few. Be good!,” She says as she gathers up her things and heads toward the trash.

A few minutes later, he's looking over at Jensen, watching him while he isn't looking and Sophia walks up to him. Excitement in her stance as she whispers. Jensen smiles and hugs her and then he turns to look at Jared with a thumbs up. 

He feels stupid. Wanting Jensen, when obviously he doesn't want him and the fact that he thinks he comes here for Sophia. Oh well, at least he's got a date soon for the first time in his dead love life in a year and who knows? Maybe he'll fall for her. 

****

THE PHANTOM OF THE PARTY

The Halloween party is lively. Tom couldn't come because he had a case to work on and he couldn't spare even a minute to enjoy himself. Jensen has dressed up as a royal prince of days past in regaling blue, red and gold. Sophia came as a sexy bee queen. Chris is somewhere as Michael Myers and Steve is chatting up a girl, looking like a long haired Frankenstein.

There are drunk people everywhere but what he's excited about is the costume contest that's coming up. But he knows he won't win. There are too many creative costumes and the prize is exactly a thousand dollars and a five hundred dollar amazon gift card. He figured a lot of people would be out to get it and he couldn't be assed to ask his grandma for help on creating a unique costume after his three attempts already to claim first prize. Once he was bubblegum under a chair. A literal basket case and then thirdly a bee's nest with little hand made bees flying around him. 

Really. He's done with it. At least the costume he has on is comfortable and he's gotten compliments on how princely he looks. Usually people look at him weird once he tells them what he's supposed to be. 

He stands against a wall as he watches Sophia dance her ass off with someone in a hockey mask with a hockey stick strapped to his back. Jared said he might come but Jensen doubts it. Jared admitted his fear of being in large crowds or around loud music. It hurts his ears and he has a hard time keeping up with too much conversation. Jensen remembers at the barbeques they've both been too, Jared would be wincing or keeping to a corner while one of his friends tried to drag him from it. He feels for the guy.

He wants to dance with someone but no one has approached him. Doesn't matter if it's male or female. He'll dance with anyone at this point and there's a certain freedom from dancing with a stranger, instead of being worried about your boyfriend getting angry at you for doing so. He sighs and leans further back against the wall, he closes his eyes and when he opens them again, he looks across the room to see a guy with a phantom of the opera mask and his hair slicked back upon his head. 

The guy is staring straight ahead and Jensen looks to both sides and realizes the man is staring at him. The man strides through the crowd and it parts for his powerful frame, now that Jensen can see all of him coming forward, he's also wearing the rest of the get up. He looks like a very tall phantom of the opera. And Jensen feels a tingle in his groin at the sight.

He always loved the show and the movie. Gerald Butler as the sexiest phantom yet but this one rivals that sexiness. The man stops in front of him and he cranes his neck upwards to look at him, feeling his body tremble at the sight. “Hello.”

The phantom doesn't say anything, he only extends his hand out and Jensen looks down at it. Mildly surprised. “You want to dance?”

The phantom nods as slow song pops in. It's sorta creepy, slow piano beat and a soft male voice of a melody pouring out. 

The phantom still extends his hand, waiting patiently for Jensen's decision. 

Jensen licks his lips and takes the plunge, taking his hand in his and he can feel how strong the hand is. Firmly gripping his own as he's lead out onto the dance floor, mildly away from the crowds. As they turn to face each other, the phantom puts his hands on Jensen's waist and Jensen wraps his own around the man's neck. He stares at the side of his face and wonders what's hidden underneath. From what he can see, his skin is smooth, slightly bronzed. 

It's achingly familiar.

They dance slowly to the beat, hips swaying and bodies in sync. Jensen stares up at him and the phantom stares down into him, deep in his eyes. The phantom's own are startling blue, light and electric. They send shivers down his spine as he's entranced by this man, this mystery. 

“You here alone?,” Jensen works up the courage to ask.

The phantom says nothing.

“What's your name?,” Jensen asks again.

The phantom still says nothing.

Jensen sighs. “Okay, no talking. You're being eccentric.”

There's a hint of a smile from the part of the mouth he can see. 

“At least you smile,” Jensen says with a laugh as he leans in closer and rests his head against the man's shoulder. 

As they continue to dance, he can feel the warmth and heat of the man. Seering into his body, he looks up again and the man's eyes are closed but they open, this time they're dark but warm. They share a moment, not exactly a staring contest but Jensen feels something. Glorious, magnificent, astounding. 

The song ends and the phantom starts pulling away from him. He holds him fast, shaking his head. “Not without this first.” 

The phantom blinks as Jensen leans up and kisses him on the mouth, no tongue, just a closed mouth kiss. Soft and attentive. Lips smacking as the phantom kisses back after his surprise. It feels warm, tingly, something feels right. Then the phantom shakes his head and finally pulls away from him, disappearing into the crowd.

Jensen watches him go, warmth leaving him. He sighs once again and wishes he had seen his face. Then Tom enters his mind and he feels ashamed. He just kinda cheated on his boyfriend but he dares not to tell him what he did. It would be foul. He just … did what he hates in others but it'll be his secret. He'll never see the phantom again. No big deal. 

As he goes to sit on one of the many couches, Angel of music starts up and he chuckles to himself at the irony. He lays back on a couch and listens to the whole song with a smile on his face.

****

HALLOWEEN SURPRISES

It was such a stupid move on his part. Going to the party and trying to find Sophia, only to see Jensen across the room and decide to get him to dance with him. He had expected Jensen to say I'm here with my boyfriend or reject him thinking he was ugly behind the mask. Which Jared thinks he is but at least you can't see his mug behind it. But Jensen had taken his offered hand and they had danced for a blissful four minutes. Pressed against each other, staring into each others' eyes.

Then Jensen kissed him and that was more than he was expecting. Way more. The way their lips slotted together and how he tingled all over from it. It was in a cliché: magical. He kept rewinding the moment over and over again in his mind, that he got to kiss Jensen and have that time with him, even if the man had no clue who he was. He wished he could reveal himself and then Jensen would say they made a connection and he'd dump Tom to be with him but that's a terrible pipedream. Something that will never happen, at least not in this lifetime. Maybe when he's better looking in another life or Jensen is somehow attracted to unnaturally tall men with a penchant for handling wood. 

Yeah, pipedream. Never going to happen. He doesn't know why he daydreams this shit. 

 

The doorbell rings and he moves to open it, what appears before him are three little kids, barely past his thighs. One wears a red power ranger costume, another Snow White and one more Mario. He smiles down at them, then looks out to see their parents at the end of the walkway, awaiting their return. 

“Hey little people,” Jared says, his voice sounding strained and off. Slow as he forces the words out, but deep. He mentally winces at the sound but the kids smile up at him, not judging, holding out their little orange jack o lanterns for candy.

“We're supposed to say trick or treat,” the little girl in the middle says.

“Trick or treat,” the two little boys say almost in unison.

He grabs the basket off the table beside the door and grins. “Aw, you guys are adorable. Extra pieces of candy for you.” He drops three a piece in each lantern. 

“Say thank you!,” The little girl commands.

“Thank you!,” the little boys chorus.

Jared laughs. “You're very welcome.” 

They trout off down the walkway back to their guardians and Jared doesn't shut the door as new kids come up the walkway. He passes out candy for the next seven minutes as more kids come and then it seems to calm. His mom is drunk in the dining room, craving a pumpkin and Jared refuses to let her go to the door when she's in that state. She promised she wouldn't get smashed today but that's out the window. So now he's stuck on candy duty for the next hour. Not that he minds, because he loves kids but he'd like to finish what he was doing. 

He moves toward the kitchen to finish candying apples when the doorbell rings again. He picks up the basket before he even opens the door, smiles wide and almost speaks a flamboyant _'Hello.'_ but he stops dead in his tracks, mouth gaped open. 

Standing in front of him is Jensen in that prince outfit he wore at the Halloween Party and Sophia in her Bee outfit. They're smiling and Sophia waves. “Can we come in?”

Jared shuts his mouth, furrowing his brow. His heart beating extra hard in his chest at the sight of Jensen.

“Promise we won't make a mess of things,” Jensen says lightly, with his head slightly tilted and his eyes somehow shimmering in the orange porch light. 

Jared thinks a moment then nods, waving his arm toward the hallway as he moves away from the door. Sophia moves inside, throws her arms around his neck and kisses him on the cheek. Jensen just looks at him as he passes through and grins.

“So, we were at another Halloween Party when we thought...,” Jensen starts.

“How about we go see what Jared is up to!,” Sophia finishes. 

“Yeah, man, because we invited you to three but you never came. We were feeling hurt,” Jensen says with a slight pout.  
Jared turns to look at them door still wide open, eyebrow raised.

“We know you spend it with your family but you haven't been to the cafe all week and we really missed your strong but silent presence there,” Sophia says with a small smile. 

More tricker treaters come up on the porch and he gives them candy without talking. He feels out of his element, not even looking at their costumes. Much as he loves seeing Jensen stepping foot in his home, he wanted his private time with the kids so he could comment on their costumes and actually speak without fear. 

“Passing out candy?,” Jensen asks dumbly.

Jared shuts the door, turns to him and nods. Puts the basket down and moves past them, waving them toward the kitchen. They follow him and he waves a hand toward the candied apples. 

“Ooooh. Are you saying we can have one? Because I want one,” Sophia says as she moves to pick up one with nuts crusted all over it. 

“I'll pass,” Jensen says. “Are you making them or someone else?”

Jared nods again. 

“You or …?,” Jensen says wanting clarification. 

Jared points at himself, pursing his lips. 

“On second thought, I'll have one,” Jensen says as he picks one up. 

Jared's heart softens and he smiles. The doorbell rings again and he moves away from them.

“Let me guess, you're having a hard time finishing these with all the kids coming to the door?,” Sophia asks him.

Jared turns and nods. 

“Me and Jensen will finish them up for you, if you don't care,” Sophia says as she bites around the apple, chews and swallows it down. 

Jared nods again and goes back to the door. An hour passes before the treating ends and he goes back in the kitchen to see that all the apples are done. Fifty in all. His family won't eat that much but they'll send some to Uncle Jeff and his Aunt, and some other family members just because it's a tradition. He'll send some home with Jensen and Sophia too. 

He motions them toward the living room and Sophia picks up a second caramel and nut apple as she follows him inside. The TV is on AMC and they're showing the Michael Myers films for the thirtieth time this month. Jensen plops down on the couch and Sophia does as well. Jared goes for the middle. Sophia instantly clambers to him, snuggling up against his side and he feels comfortable.

“Jamie Lee. The scream queen,” Jensen comments. “I've seen this movie so much in my life, I know exactly what scene comes next.”

“When I watched this as a kid, I had nightmares for weeks,” Sophia says, shuddering against him. “It still scares me.” 

“The exorcist did that to me. I feared the stairs for the longest time,” Jensen says. 

Jared dares to look at him in the lamplight and the man's eyes are glued to the screen. 

“Where's your notepad? It feels kinda weird with you not talking,” Sophia says, looking up at him.

Jared shrugs, feeling kinda awkward. He's used to talking in his own home with his mother or brother. 

“Go get it! I want to talk with you,” Sophia says, poking him in his side.

He jumps a little, ticklish and flushes with embarrassment as she laughs.

“Yeah, go get it. We both do,” Jensen chips in, smiling at him.

Jared sighs and gets up, running upstairs to his room in order to grab his notebook and pencil. When he comes back down, he's not surprised to see his mother standing there, talking.

“I'm so glad my boy has friends,” She slightly slurs. “You seem like such nice people.” 

“He's a really great guy and he always leaves nice tips. Probably why I developed such a crush on him,” Sophia says.

“She's had a crush on him for months, and they're finally going out,” Jensen says with a laugh in his voice. 

“Oh! Good. He really needs more dates and I can see why he'd date you. You're cute as a button and sweet,” Sherri gushes. “Not to mention my boy is handsome. You'd make such a cute couple.”

Sophia makes a noise of embarrassment. “Quiet you. You're just buttering me up.”

“No buttering up about it, sweetheart. I'm more honest when I'm drunk than when I'm sober,” Sherri says with a laugh. 

Jared feels slightly embarrassed and moves back into the living room, making his presence known with his large frame. 

“Honey! Your friends are so cool,” Sherri tells him as she moves toward him, hugging him tight. “Hang out with them for awhile. I'll make myself disappear.” 

Jared nods.

“Not talking?,” Sherri asks, giving him a critical look.

Jared shakes his head, looking down.

“Okay, well. Go hang out. Enjoy yourself,” Sherri says, patting him on the shoulder as she moves away. 

Jared swallows and sits back down with them. He could smell the alcohol on his mother and he doubts they didn't smell it. 

“Your mom is so sweet,” Sophia gushes. 

Jared writes quickly on the notebook. _'Yeah, she really is but she didn't make you feel uncomfortable did she?'_

“No, not at all,” Sophia claims, shaking her head.

“Honest, she's nice. Nicer than my own mom,” Jensen says. 

Jared wants to ask why Jensen feels that way but he doesn't want to intrude on anything too personal. Much as he wants to.

_'Yes, she is. Thank you.'_

Jensen nods, smiling. “Come on. Let's watch the movie and comment on the stupidity of the characters. Jason is about to wear a ghostly sheet and kill the blonde chick.” 

Jared exhales a breath of a laugh. It feels kinda good having friends at his house. He should do this more often.

****

NOTHING BUT THE WATER

Sophia and him are on their sixth date, it's February and they've barely managed to find time to go out with each other in the last four months. He has tried to come up with ways to let her down gently because no matter how much they kiss and how much they feel each other up, he can't stop thinking of Jensen.

And now, here they are. Looking for a birthday present for him since his birthday is in March. What a wonderful date, looking for a gift for the man you really want with the woman you don't want. There's irony in there somewhere, he just hasn't found out what. Though once he found out Jensen's birthday, he looked up their astrology compatibility online and found out they were pretty much a perfect match. 

He had felt retardedly giddy at that but squashed it down with the fact that his chances were slim. 

“Do you think he'd like a bead making kit? He likes making jewelry for others but he doesn't wear it himself,” Sophia says as she rifles through items on the shelf.

Jared writes. _'A bead making kit for a guy? How about a leather bracelet or something. Bet he'd wear that.'_

Sophia looks it over and looks contemplative. “Guess that would be something special. Doubt Tom would let him wear it though since he's such a fucktwat.” 

Jared exhales a laugh. Fucktwat? That's new. _'He being more of an ass than usual?'_

“You could say that,” Sophia says lightly. “He's been … Jensen is just...”

He cocks an eyebrow. 

“Tom has been controlling lately. It's why you don't see Jensen when you go out with me even though we plan to hang together,” Sophia says with a sigh. 

Jared feels something coil tight in his stomach, it's unpleasant and he can't help hating Tom a little more everytime he hears about him or how he affects Jensen. _'I think Jensen should dump him. He can do better.'_

Sophia reads and rolls her eyes. “I completely agree but he won't listen to me or his other friends. He's blind as hell at this point.” 

Jared scoffs. With eyes like Jensen's, he should see better than most people. 

“Maybe, you should talk to him, maybe he'll listen,” Sophia says, looking up at him pleadingly. 

Jensen listen to him? He doubts it. While they're friends, Jensen doesn't... well he still doesn't see him as anything other than a friend. Sometimes confidant. _'I doubt it but I could try.'_

“Please try. I don't know what to do at this point, Jared. I really don't,” Sophia says. 

Jared nods solemnly. 

“Let's go get that leather bracelet you suggested,” Sophia says as she grabs his free hand and drags him out. 

Sophia isn't enough for him and Tom isn't enough for Jensen. Nothing but the water is going to wash their souls clean. 

****

MARRY ME, MARRY ME

Candlelight dinner? Check. Walking down on the lake at nine o'clock at night? Check. Amazing sex in bed and in the shower? Check.

Tom is up to something. He hasn't been this nice in a long time. Jensen is waiting for something to pop out of no where, possibly getting hit for something he did or worse. He doesn't want the worse. If he's going to hit him, get it over with and done. Maybe he'll decide he's finally had enough and things will be fine after he leaves him. So, he sits on the couch as Tom makes them popcorn for a movie they're going to be watching. He doesn't know what yet, possibly the new Carrie since he's been asking after it. 

He waits patiently, with a little anxiousness in his heart. Chewing on his thumbnail as he taps his naked foot lightly. He hears footsteps exactly four minutes later. He counted in his head, to sixty, four times. He inhales a small breath and Tom shakes a bowl of popcorn. The sound fills the room. He sits the bowl on the couch and hums a song as he suddenly gets on his knees in front of Jensen and drags his hand from his mouth. 

Jensen blinks down at him. “Tommy?” 

Tom smiles up at him. Coughing theatrically. “Okay,so, I've been waiting a long time to do this. A really long time.” 

Jensen tilts his head. “Waiting for what?” 

Tom purses his lips and reaches down into the pocket of his jeans. He pulls out a box and presents it forward. Jensen doesn't want to believe that's what he thinks it is. Not after everything that's been going on. He can't please Tom now. What makes him think Jensen will please him if they get married? 

His brain briefly flashes to Jared and his shy smiles. His neat and precise handwriting and his comforting words when Jensen needs them. Then it vanishes as the box opens and sitting right there is a silver band with three jewels encrusted in a neat line. Tom is serious, very serious. 

“So, will you?,” Tom asks, grinning.

Jensen smiles in return. “I... can I think about it?”

Tom blinks, eyes void for a second. “Think about it?”

“Yeah, Tom. I mean... nothing has been right between us for awhile,” Jensen starts, as Tom's face darkens. “You hit me for crying out loud and nothing I do is right for you. How can we make a marriage work?”

“I promise I won't hit you anymore. I'll control my anger and I'll be a better man for you,” Tom says, his face now soft and pliant. Jensen sighs. “I'm serious. You're it for me. I want to have babies with you and start a family and have everything we should have. We're perfect for each other.”

Jensen worries his lips, nods. “Okay, I'll marry you.” 

Tom's face breaks out into a smile. He reaches forward and hugs Jensen to him tightly. “I'm so happy right now. You just made me the happiest man alive.”

It's cliché but it makes Jensen smile. “I'll be happy with you too, Tommy.”  
Maybe things can be different.

****

STUPID DECISIONS PISS YOUR FRIENDS OFF TOO

Jensen has messed up the fifth order today. He's … he's worried about what his friends are going to think about him accepting Toms' proposal. It's … it's... It's stupid. He knows it's stupid and he shouldn't have said he would. He should have told him it was over and moved on from there but he loves him too much at this point. Far too much and he can't find a way to get himself out of it. He's stuck in this mire. This pit of despair because he knows there's love in there too and it's one cookie out of a thousand shit piles. He'll take it.

Tom loves him, he really does, he just... he has issues and you don't leave a relationship when someone has issues especially when they've stuck by you and love you for you. It's been two weeks and Tom hasn't hit him even once. Hasn't raised his voice to him or made him feel weak and unimportant. 

Sophia walks past him again, shooting him a smile. Jensen smiles back and goes back to reading his magazine. 

The bell rings above the door and he looks up to see Jared walking inside. He waves at him and smiles. Jared ducks his head and smiles. Seeing Jared always warms his insides, makes him feel like everything is alright in the world. Someone so big, being so gentle and quiet sits right with him. He wishes Tom were like that, gentle as a lamb but big and powerful like a bull. 

He has the feeling that Jared would protect his friends at all costs and make sure they're well taken care of no matter what the situation is. He likes that about him. A silent storm. The man is such a mystery. 

“Your boyfriend is here,” Jensen calls out toward Sophia.

“Shut up, Jense. We haven't made that official yet,” Sophia replies with attitude. 

“Speaking of which of official things I need to talk with you,” Jensen says, feeling his stomach drop out. 

Sophia nods and finishes up her tables, then comes around the back. “So spill.”

Jensen sighs. “Tom asked me to marry him.”

Sophia raises her eyebrow. “You said no, right?”

Jensen shakes his head. “I said yes.”

“You fucking idiot. He's... not good for you, Jensen. You have enough marbles in your brain to know that,” Sophia chastises.

“I know, I know but Tom loves me, Soph. He does. He just doesn't mean all that stuff he does, and I know that,” Jensen defends, feeling even more stupid. 

“You keep telling yourself that and you'll end up a different person anytime soon,” Sophia says with a sigh. 

Jensen bites on his lower lip and nods. “I know, but he hasn't even … he's been really good. No more hitting, no more abuse of any kind. He's been so sweet.”

“Just... be careful. If it gets bad again. You need to get out, you need to just get out and be done with it,” Sophia says, giving him a stern look.

Something drops to the floor and they both turn to look. Jared is standing there, breathing erratically as he stares at Jensen. Disbelief written all over his face. 

“Hey. You okay?,” Jensen asks, worried. 

Jared shakes his head. Moving away from the counter and storming toward the exit. 

“Jared. Wait! What's wrong?,” Sophia calls after him.

Jensen watches as Jared disappears around the corner. Three minutes later, his black truck whizzes past and Jensen kinda has a feeling why Jared reacted the way he did. He must have heard the whole conversation and gotten mad at Jensen for being so dumb about this. 

“He left his laptop and everything,” Sophia says frowning. 

“You can give it back to him after your shift ends,” Jensen says, worrying his lip. “Do you think he heard us?”

“Probably,” Sophia murmurs, looking thoughtful. 

“Do you think he's mad at me?,” Jensen asks, hoping not.

“I doubt that for some reason,” Sophia says, looking a little sad.

Jensen nods. “Just... talk to him and let him know... I don't even know. Just see why he acted that way and report back to him.”

She nods. “I will.” 

Jensen returns to his magazine and thinks about the wedding he has to plan in seven months. 

****

ARE MY EGGS BAD?

They slept together last night. It was messy, unsatisfying and all Jared could think about was Jensen. Sophia had looked disappointed, but he had at least got her off. He didn't come however, he just couldn't finish. He thought this trying to be with someone else would work but it's not. Jensen has ruined him entirely for anyone else. Until he has him, he won't be able to move on and he doesn't know about how to go about making it happening.

Sophia woke up this morning, bright and cheerful. Dragged him from bed and they watched the Today show cuddled up on the couch, Jared half asleep and Sophia like the sun. Unable to look like she wanted to crawl back in bed. 

She made breakfast with all the fixings. Made fresh pineapple juice just because he told her he liked it. Really... she's wonderful, sweet, caring and she should be everything he wants. Not to mention his mom and brother love her. 

“You're not really eating. Don't you like my eggs? Extra cheesy, you know,” Sophia pipes up, breaking him from his thoughts.

He mechnically picks up a bite of egg with his fork and chews, shaking his head. Indicating with a mmm sound that they're good. She smiles and returns to her food. It's silent and she never seems to mind it, another reason why she'd be perfect for him. 

“Jared...,” Sophia says, trailing off softly.

He looks up and raises a quizzical eyebrow. Cutting up a hash brown with his fork. 

She clears her throat and pushes her mostly eaten plate away. “The only day when you left the cafe like... well, you were upset and you just left. I didn't talk about it then, but I want to talk about it now.”

She had brought his laptop over and his left over cookies. She had smiled like nothing was wrong and kissed him on the lips, telling him she'd see him later. She even hugged his mother and promised they'd have a girl's weekend at some point and get smashed. And now he feels itchy, like she's about to tell him something important. Maybe break up with him. And he wouldn't blame her. His heart is somewhere else. The sex sucked. They lack chemistry, and he knows she realizes it.

“Look. I know, I'm not what you want,” She says, but she has a soft look on her face.

Jared blinks, and keeps eye contact. He doesn't want to lie, so he just listens.

“And I think I know what you want or who you want,” Sophia continues, licking her bottom lip.

Jared chews at his lips, looking down in shame.

“He's really oblivious. He figured you were coming into the cafe to see me all the time and Tom is such an asshole, he's not good for him but you could be, I know you could be,” Sophia says, voice gentle and reassuring. 

Jared shakes his head vehemently. 

“Jared,” She says firmly.

Jared looks up, his eyes feel glassy and somehow his little secret bringing brought fourth makes him feel terrible.

“It's okay. I thought... well... there was the time Tom came by and you left in a hurry like you couldn't get away fast enough. The two times you were in the bar parking lot and yes, I noticed you because of my big glaring crush but never said Hi,” She says, reaching across the table to place a hand over his. “And then the other day... when you left and the look on your face. You were so hurt and I just knew, it was because Jensen is getting married. You've been coming to the cafe almost everyday to see him. You get this look in your eyes whenever he's around. And I know that look isn't for me, Jared. I know.” 

Jared sniffs, brings his free hand to his face and wipes at his eyes. He moves his hand away from her's and picks up his pencil. Writing across his pad. _'I'm sorry. I really tried to fall for you but it's not working. Please don't tell him. Because if I can't have him, I at least want to be one of his closest friends. That's all I want.'_

 

Sophia reads, then smiles. Not condescending or anything bad, just soft and glowing. “I'm not upset. A little disappointed because you're such a great guy and we'd make beautiful babies with moles and dimples to boot but I know how it is. The heart wants what the heart wants.”

Jared sniffs again, he forces himself not to cry. He writes. _'We would make really nice kids. Too bad it can't work out. Can we still be friends?'_

She nods. “Yes, the best of friends. I don't want to lose that at all but you have to promise that I still get piggy back rides and we cuddle whenever I want.”

Jared huffs a breath of a laugh. _'Sounds like a fair trade. But you won't tell, right?'_

Sophia grins. “Won't tell a soul. It'll be our little secret but seriously? I really do think he could do better with you. You're just... you'd fit him, Jared. Jensen loves his guys bigger than him and you're just everything a man should be. Jensen wants that and he keeps hoping Tom is that but the man really isn't. He'd even admitted you're handsome and if he weren't with him, he'd go after you.”

Jared's eyes brighten. _'Are you telling the truth?'_

Sophia giggles. “He said it jokingly but if I know Jense, he was dead ass serious.” 

Jared beams, ducking his head. _'I know he loves the guy... and I won't get in the middle of that. Suppose I have to hope that he'll kick him to the curb someday and give me a chance.'_

Sophia snorts. “If I had my way. You'd ride in on your trusty white steed, beat the crap out of Tom and then steal Jensen away from all the bullshit. And you should totally do that. Just beat the shit out of the man.” 

Jared frowns, shrugging his shoulders. _'I hate the fact that Tom hurts him but I can't do anything about it... however, I do want to kick his ass. Give him a taste of his own medicine and if he ever does anything that kills him. You can be sure, I'll do something about that.'_

Sophia worries her lip between her teeth. “Jared, it's a nice thought but unless someone steps up to the plate. Jensen might … Jensen might end up allowing it to continue and then his self-confidence might drop so low, he'll end up thinking he deserves it and just...”

Jared tilts his head. _'I understand that but at this point when he's making excuses for him... Jensen will only end up pissed off at me for hurting his fiance.'_

Sophia heaves a breath, her shoulders rising and falling. “You're right, unfortunately. Guess we have to wait until it gets too bad.” 

Jared nods, much as he hates the idea of waiting until it does. He has no choice but to let it happen. Like a fiery pit in his soul, he wants more than anything to destroy Tom Welling and make him feel every bit of hurt he ever made Jensen feel but he can't do that. Jensen will end up hating him and probably baby the guy. Not to mention, Jensen has no loyalty to him. He'd end their friendship before he'd dump Tom. He has a vibe about it.

“You're lost in your head again, Numnuck,” Sophia says, smiling.

Jared looks up, and smiles sheepishly.

“Finish your breakfast and stop worrying. I plan on taking you to my friend's Mid-Winter party and you promised you'd come, so eat up,” Sophia chastises him. 

Jared nods, grinning at her. There's a weight lifted off his shoulders and he finishes every last bite.

**HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HERE”S A BRUISE FOR YA**

Jensen's birthday party is just a bunch of his closest friends and friends he barely knows. Sophia and Danneel rallied it together. He didn't really want one but they both said _'You should have a party, it's a celebration of you! And we love you, so let's party!'_ There's a spread of food that has hardly a dent in it, birthday gifts piled on a table and he feels like he's back in elementry school when gifts were the best part of the party but all he wants is to hang with his friends and celebrate another year of life.

Tom has been mostly sitting on the big purple sectional they bought two weeks ago after moving in together and he's been watching Jensen like a hawk. Jensen feels controlled, like he has to watch his every move or else Tom might blow a gasket over something he doesn't like, no matter how little it is. It's starting to feel like a chore being with him instead of a breath of love that you want in your life.

He talks to Mike, Tom's bestfriend, who is speaking animatedly about his new dog he got a month ago. A golden retriever.

“He's adorable as hell though and learns so quick. I taught him how to shake hands in two days and I don't even have to prompt him anymore. He just puts his paw up for me to shake before I even offer him the treat,” Mike goes on.

Jensen laughs. “I'll have to meet your pup, he sounds fantastic.” 

Mike moves forward and lays a hand on Jensen's arm, he furrows his brow and leans in. “Thanks but look... I should have warned you about Tom. You're not the first person he's abused.”

Jensen blinks, taken back. “Excuse me?” 

Mike sighs, getting a little closer. “Tom. He... he doesn't love, Jensen. He plays games and he likes control. He likes to play with his prey. He ensnares them within the year, and then starts hitting. If they let him do it, then he sticks with them and plans on marrying them. It's how he does things. Once you marry him, you're just setting yourself up for heartache and if you plan on going through with it? Don't have his kids. Just don't. He'll take them and paint a bad picture of you.” 

Jensen blinks again. “Does he tell you these things?” 

“Yeah, he does. Brags about it. No one's ever been stupid enough to marry him and he almost won a battle against one of his exes for the custody of their nine year old daughter because he told bald faced lies about him,” Mike explains, eyes glancing at Tom every few seconds.

Jensen glances over to see Tom's fist balled against his thighs and he can tell he's pissed. “I didn't even know he had any kids.”

“He's not allowed to see her,” Mike tells him, with a shrug. 

Jensen takes a breath. “This is a lot to take in.”

“I know, but you have to heed my warning, please. Don't marry him,” Mike says, pleadingly.

Jensen nods. “I'll think about it but... I really think he loves me, Mike. I really do. I can just feel it.”

Mike sighs. “That's how he makes you feel, so you don't get the courage to leave him.” 

Jensen sighs in turn. “Okay, Okay.” 

There's a sudden hand on his shoulder and he turns to look up into the face of Tom, who has a mocking smile plastered over his mouth. “Come with me, Jensen.”

Jensen nods, and Mike looks away as if ashamed. 

Tom drags him through the party and out onto the balcony. The cold air hits his cheeks, and it's not surprising even for March. 

“Were you flirting with him?,” Tom asks, his voice strained.

Jensen shakes his head. “Tom, you know I wouldn't do that especially with Mike.” 

“Bullshit. You're always flirting with people. Why would Mike be any different?,” Tom accuses. 

“Because he's your bestfriend and I'd never do that,” Jensen stresses, frowning. Mike's words ringing through his head. There's a strength to them, and part of Jensen's heart believes in them but the other parts don't want to.

It shocks Jensen even though it shouldn't. Tom's hand slams against his cheek, making him stagger. It stings and hurts all at once, a blooming pain seering into his face. He reaches up, looking up in him in horror even though he should be used to this. “Tom, I told you.” 

“Jensen, I told you. Stop flirting with people, you know how it makes me feel,” Tom says as if this is all Jensen's fault and doing.

“I wasn't!,” Jensen says, daring to talk back. 

Tom raises his hand again, and Jensen, ashamed, cowers at the coming blow. A fist to his eye. He falls to the ground, and it hurts like hell. He lands with his hands against the cement and he feels tears prick his eyes. He looks up. “Why do you keep doing this, Tom?”

“Because, you have to learn your place,” Tom says like he's very confident that Jensen needs to.

Jensen just shakes his head. “I'm going back to the party. Leave me the hell alone for the rest of the night.” 

“Don't walk away from me, Jensen,” Tom calls after him as he storms back inside the house. 

He avoids anyone on the way to the kitchen, he can feel a bruise blossoming on the left side of his face and he makes his way past a throng of people to get to the freezer. He pulls out a package of frozen steak and sticks it to his eye. Facing away from the party goers. His birthday is ruined because his boyfriend is an asshole. Couldn't he wait to do this after everyone left? Because if Chris sees this, he's going after him. 

He feels a hand on his shoulder and he doesn't turn around. The hand taps him and he stays still, maybe they'll go away. He feels the hand a third time and he turns to see Jared standing there. He has on a deep purple hoodie and ripped jeans, his work boots on. He got off early just to come be here for his birthday and even gave him a personal gift of a leather bracelet he wears around his wrist. He didn't let Tom see that because he'd just end up thinking there was something between them when there isn't. 

Jared raises an eyebrow at him and Jensen looks down. The other man reaches out and lifts up his head, making him look directly up. Then Jared moves forward again and moves the bag of steak from his face and when he sees it, his face darkens. Jensen can see the question written all over his face.

“It's nothing,” Jensen mumbles, feeling embarrassed.

Jared's nostrils flare and he shakes his head.

“Jared, it's okay,” Jensen reassures. 

Jared turns around, his whole body rigid as he moves out of the kitchen and Jensen realizes to his horror that Jared intends on finding Tom. He follows after him, hot on his trail as Jared moves all around the party. Looking in every corner. 

Jensen pulls him back with one of his hands. “Please, don't do this.” 

Jared doesn't even falter, he just keeps moving. And then he finally finds Tom, still on the balcony with a tumbler of whiskey in his hand. Overlooking the city. 

Jensen watches, terror moving through him as Jared pulls Tom by the shoulder and spins him around. Some of his drink falls out of his glass and he looks on in surprise.

“What's up, Jared?,” Tom asks, looking confused and Jensen can't help thinking he isn't perplexed at all. 

It's so damn quick. Jensen can hear the slam to Tom's face, the way he screams out and groans, dropping his glass in a shatter. Shards and whiskey all over the ground. “What the hell, dude? What did I ever do to you?” 

Jared grabs him by the shirt and hauls him over to Jensen, grabs him by the hair and shoves Tom's face at Jensen's like he's a dog and he's sticking his nose in his accident. 

Tom smirks, his nose bleeding. “Oh, that?,” He asks nasally. 

Jared shakes him for good measure. “It's none of your business, mute.”

Jared's nostrils flare again in the light and he grabs Tom again and lifts him close. In his face. Jared doesn't say anything but Jensen can feel the anger rolling off him in waves. 

Tom cocks his head, smiling. “Deaf boy gonna put me in my place, huh? Jensen loves me, Jared. He loves me and he knows it's good for him.”

Jared punches him again and Tom stumbles against the railing, more blood gushing from his nose. “Come on! You don't fight abuse with abuse. Haven't you learned that?”

Jared just stands there. Jensen wishes he could hear him speak, because he can tell the man is holding back. He moves toward Tom again and Tom looks up in fear. “Okay, I won't do it again. I swear. Just stop hitting me.” 

Jared stops and keeps looking at him. Jensen wishes he could see his face, but part of him is anger at Jared for stepping in, like he can't take care of himself. And no matter how much Tom hurts him, he doesn't want to see him harmed. 

“Jared. That's enough,” Jensen grits out.

Jared turns to look at him, giving him a confused expression.

“Seriously... just... go back to the party and I'll handle this. I think he learned his lesson,” Jensen says evenly. Jensen can hear people chattering behind him, people who obviously saw what went down. 

Jared looks hurt, like Jensen might kick him out but Jensen just smiles shakily. “It's okay and thank you. I'm glad you care so much about me.”

Jared still looks like a kicked puppy but he nods and walks past Jensen into the party.

Jensen looks at Tom, who is trying to stop the rush of blood with his shirt. “You should go get cleaned up.”

Tom rolls his eyes. “Your behemoth of a friend needs to stay out of our business.”

Jensen just purses his lips. “Go. Get. Cleaned. Up. Before people talk even more.”

Tom narrows his eyes at him but walks past him, back into the party.

Jensen closes the doors and stands there, enjoying the night breeze as his chest constricts and he holds the steak to his eye. Maybe,Tom will stop after this. Maybe.


End file.
